The Courage to See Love

Through all my years of working with essential oils and studying both the development of pharmaceuticals, the DNA and genes, I have uncovered some incredible information that I am about to release in a book. In the meantime, I’m launching #endthejudgment in response to these findings.

You see, there are many people working independently and together to find causes and cures. These individuals study images of the brain, measure hormonal levels, and consider gene activity. They hypothesize how illnesses came to be and / or will play out. Essentially, everything is speculative and based on what they’re looking at in the present moment. At the same time, there are other scientists evaluating the effects of thoughts and emotions on cellular activity and while I realize there is no denying the biological and chemical functions within us, there is something to the energy of pure thought and emotion. Truthfully, this is a rather complex conversation … so, for the time being, I will keep this as concise as possible and focus on the latter … thoughts and emotions.

To give you a little insight into my book, they are the answer to overcoming the insults being inflicted upon us by the environment. Stress relief is a rather common topic for discussion and blog posts and what’s interesting to me, the steps we take to reduce our stress levels is not undoing the damage or even relieving the pressure put upon us by judgment! If we were to be brutally honest about it, there isn’t one person we know that is immune from judging someone or something, including themselves. For as well-intentioned as the words good, bad, right and wrong were, we have more descriptive adjectives that we can count and very few of them are currently being used with neutral energy.

Years ago, I started saying that all words are subjective. I’m also a big believer in the idea that words are either tools of creation or weapons of destruction. In fact, I was in a conversation not too long ago on Twitter about this very thought when someone I don’t know commented that ‘words are just words’. He couldn’t have been more correct. Without energy, they are just a combination of letters with an assigned meaning; however, that’s just it, we rarely, if ever, say anything without energy. And by energy, I mean feeling which means high or low / positive or negative / good or bad …. The challenge with this is we have centuries of conditioning and experiencing the effects of this energy. We take it on! We enjoy the feeling of what it means to be a good person and we certainly don’t care for the way it feels when we do something dumb. The bigger problem, however, is these thoughts lurk in the back of our minds and go relatively unnoticed because they’ve been a part of our lives since the day we were born. In fact, they are the mechanisms for controlling our behavior (BIG opening for discussion here!)

So how is it we’re judging ourselves and others if we’re not aware of them, you might ask. Habitually; as I said, they’re there, we’ve just become so used to them that our actions are virtually automated. Let’s face it, these judgments were introduced because we either did something that warranted being used with us directly or we happened to witness the results of someone else’s decisions. Again, judgment is a complex phenomenon. On one hand, it means making wise, mindful choices; on the other, it’s a conclusion based on another person’s knowledge. However, knowledge, from my point of view, is not the same as understanding which is why I didn’t use this word (keep in mind, words are subjective and what I’m doing here is attempting to create a shift in perspective by ‘painting a thoughtful picture’). In this case, judgment is a ruling of good, bad, right or wrong. Can you be aware when choosing such words? Absolutely; and at the same time, what’s the sense to claiming bad, dumb, or useless and making oneself feel small or awful? I realize feeling good or right is uplifting; however, the point to ending the judgment is stability. Judgment, when used in a controlling context, is bipolar in nature and to attach ourselves to one extreme or the other is only temporary. We’re not 100% of good or bad; therefore, feeling great about ourselves in this moment eventually fades once we make a mistake and vice versa. On the other hand, to accept that we are responding as needed is empowering because at that point, we get to mindfully choose what’s next.

I often say that love and fear are both fueled by passion; however, only love is solid as it fills us with faith and trust. We understand and accept; we make choices that align with our desires without worry. All too often, we do things under the guise of love; yet, when we consider the underlying motives, we discover our actions are rooted in fear. This isn’t an easy thing to uncover or admit and when we do, so much pressure is relieved! You see, punitive judgment stems from fear; even if you’re telling someone they are good or right. How? Well, if we’re reassuring a person that he or she is a good parent, it’s because what would they think if we didn’t? I know, this sounds like a crazy question but why does this individual need reassurance to begin with?! From where I sit, something happened that triggered the fear of being seen as a bad parent; so, we’ve decided to help ease the discomfort. Sounds reasonable and at the same time perpetuates the cycle of judgment and fear based love because we don’t want to appear unsupportive. This type of interaction, to me, weakens our connections. Imagine a conversation that went like this: ‘You know, I know you’re worried and I believe you did exactly what was needed at the time! You and your children are safe and that’s most important. Be gentle with yourself and do what feels natural when the time presents itself.’ The same can be said for letting someone know they’re right. I know, in the context of the conversation it seems like they are and truthfully, unless you’re talking grammar, punctuation or math, being right is subjective. Furthermore, when one person is right, the other is wrong and like I mentioned earlier, it’s difficult to remain energetically neutral with these descriptions; hence, a hierarchy. Therefore, an empowered way to remain in the conversation is to let the other person know that you can see their point. Boom … no judgment or fear … just love as we’re demonstrating kindness and respect.

While my reasons for beginning the #endthejudgment movement were centered around addiction and mental health concerns, this applies to everyone. If you consider what I shared in the preceding paragraph, many of our conversations come from being afraid of the ‘what if’s’, ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts’. At the same time, we’ve become so well-practiced at interacting this way, we don’t see it for anything but normal. And it’s with this in mind that I say, it’s going to take some time to break the habit; yet, as we do, we will experience a great deal of peace be creating a path that offers healing. My guess is it’ll be uncomfortable for a bit as there will be growing pains, but isn’t that the case when we exercise weak muscles; we get sore. The way I see it, judgment isn’t a bad thing; on the contrary, it’s basically a ‘red flag’ that describes behavior and circumstances …. It’s a point of contrast calling for love whether it’s good or bad. Should we label a situation as good, instead of worrying about what could eventually go wrong and taking steps to prevent that from happening, all we have to do is identify what worked and find ways to do more of the same AND should something not go as well the next time, rather than linger in upset and disappointment, check in and make some adjustments that align with your desires. The thought that comes to mind is our desire to love and be loved. All too often we do things based in fear as I mentioned earlier and it takes time AND compassion to uncover all of the ways we undermine our energy. That said, if love is the goal, then make choices that reflect self-love regardless of what somebody else thinks. The more we honor our self, the easier it becomes to align our choices with love rather than fear. The best way I know to do this is to slow down just enough to see the judgment first in order to powerfully #endthejudgment

Before closing, now imagine a world without bullying and children empowering one another ALL because we had the courage to create miracles!